That looks heavy. Why don't you put it down? 1 1/2 years later...

I want to share a story about a man was bored and weary and felt his life had no meaning. He had turmoil and suffering in is heart. He was unhappy for a long time. He couldn't find a way to get out of this feeling. He went to very wise monk to seek clarity and answers.  He told the monk about the turmoil in his heart and in seeing this man's dilemma, the monk simply asked him to put on a backpack and walk with him along side a river. The man had great faith and much confidence in the monk and put on a backpack and they began to walk together beside the river.

The monk told him, "Do you see the stones along this path? For every step you take, pick up a stone and put it in your backpack." The man agreed and did exactly what he was told even though he did not understand the monk's intent. While he was walking and putting stones into his backpack, he started thinking with confusion in his mind, "Why am I doing this? It's a waste of time. I want to overcome suffering in the heart so why is he telling me to pick up stones? How is picking up stones going to benefit me?" and he thought this for a long time. He continued to pick up stones until he was tired and weary, and his thoughts about why he was doing this had reduced. He didn't even know why he was picking up stones anymore but he kept doing it. 

After a long while, monk noticed that the man was having trouble carrying the weight in his backpack. He was sweating and had labored breathing. The backpack became very heavy. At that point, the monk thought it would be a good opportunity to enlighten and teach the man.  The monk asked the man how he felt and the man said, "My backpack is so heavy. It gets heavier and heavier and I almost can't lift it."  The monk said to him, "That looks heavy. Why don't you put it down?" The man was so relieved to hear those words and with a sigh of relief, the man put down the backpack and the weight lifted off his shoulders.

The monk had a subtle smile and said, "Do you know the reason why your heart is unable to be happy? Because you are carrying too many things." He took a stone from the backpack and said, "This stone represents money and power," and he threw the stone into the river. The monk took out another stone and said, "This stone is your anxieties," and he threw it into the river. He continued, explaining all the stones in the backpack, "This stone is loneliness, this stone is worry, this stone is thinking about the past and future," and threw it in the river.

The man contemplated what the monk said and when he picked up his empty back pack which had become so light, he was enlightened: doing the action of putting down the heavy backpack and unloading it, he had instantly become more happy. He remembered that when he picked up more stones and carried it around, it brought a heaviness to his heart. He realized that if he could just put the weight down, happiness was before him and in abundance. This man gained insight and paid respects to the monk who had given him deep understanding.

This story befalls each of us. We have accumulated so much emotional baggage over our lifetime and continue to pile more stones in our backpack without even being aware of how heavy it's getting. Take a little time right now to be aware of what is bothering you. Are you holding onto your negative thoughts of the past?  Then, put it down and let go of negative thoughts by giving up the hope of a better past. If what is bothering you is a person, maybe it's time to disconnect from them. Relationships should not bring you conflict of sorrow. After letting them go, take the time to cultivate yourself and you will attract the people you want to surround yourself with who share your values. 

After hearing this story a year and a half ago, I thought, "How wonderful would it be if I put some things down that I have been carrying?" I looked in my backpack and immediately unloaded stones, such as letting go of the thought that I must achieve more to be better than my colleagues. How about I just do my best everyday and not compare myself to others? I let go resentments that had been existing in my heart for a long time so I could leave toxic relationships with peace in my heart. 

Since then, I have not picked up any new stones. I continue to cultivate myself and have a positive perspective. But something was off-balance so I investigated that feeling. After many months, I discovered what was causing it. Some stones were still in my backpack! Once I identified what I was carrying, I immediately let go of it. 

The stone I was carrying had been shame. I noticed when friends did nice things for me, I was so grateful and felt like I didn't deserve it. I was overly thankful to them because I felt I wasn't worthy of being treated so kindly. I thought I felt guilt, but I had done nothing wrong. What I was feeling was shame because I thought something was wrong with me, that I did not do enough for them to deserve their kindness. I was carrying the shame that other people put on me by making me feel imperfect when I was a child. They made me feel like I didn't do enough or meet their expectations to deserve being unconditionally loved. That was their shame projected onto me and I have been carrying it for decades. So, I let go of that shame and give it back to them. What a relief to put that down! Now I can receive the kindness that my friends give to me. Now I can enjoy having a reciprocal give-and-take friendship.

I am always learning. And when I sense suffering and turmoil in my life, I choose to make emotionally healthy changes that bring me ease and happiness. In moving forward, I choose to pick flowers instead of picking up rocks.

If you would like to share how this might have helped you, please write to me in the comment box below.